


Why Did You Betray Me?

by KurapikasScarletEyes



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Everyone Needs A Hug, Good luck y'all, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, Killua Needs a Hug, Manipulation, Murder, Sad, Sad Ending, Seriously This is Sad, Violence, Why Did I Write This?, no i'm not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 13,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28641714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KurapikasScarletEyes/pseuds/KurapikasScarletEyes
Summary: Gon and Killua were best friendsThey did everything togetherThey hung out togetherThey fought togetherThey would risk their lives for each otherThey would kill or die for each otherIt was like they were meant to meet and be with each otherThey were closer than anyone could ever beUntil one day when everything went wrong.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. Killua

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I just wanted to ask y'all if you guys wanted a little short prequel to this, just to explain some stuff in it. So, prequel or no prequel? :)

No. This was all wrong! He was my best friend, how could he be doing this! After all that we have been through, after saving each other’s butts thousands of times, this event happened. And to be honest, my greatest fear had been that it would have been the opposite, after all that Big Brother Illumi had said, that I’d betray him, kill him, this was the last thing I had ever expected. Yet it was happening right now.

Gon’s brown eyes, ones that were full of care, honesty, and kindness every time I looked into them were now filled with a cold, blank stare that the only way to describe them was cold hatred. In his hand, he clutched a knife, his knuckles whitening under his grip. His Nen shrouded him, clear that if the knife didn’t take me out, his Janken sure would. But I didn’t want to hurt him, he was my best friend. I’m sure something, someone was controlling him. Nen had endless possibilities.

But my hope shattered when Gon said in a cold voice, “I hate you Killua.”

I stood there, eyes widening. Of course he hated me, I’m a killer. A murderer. I have killed many people in cold blood. I am not worthy of Gon. Still, tears streamed down my face. I sniffled, wiping off the tears dripping down my cheeks as they fell. We had been through so much, visited each other, almost died for each other. Was it all a lie? Did Gon really hate me?

Within seconds, Gon had slashed his knife across my cheek. I flipped back and slid across the ground, almost slipping on the mud of the woodland floor of Whale Island. Blood flowed quickly down my cheek, it was a deep cut but I couldn’t worry about it now. The combination of blood and mud stained my clothes already. Gon stepped near, looking down on me, his eyes empty and cold.

“G-Gon, this… this isn’t y-you.” I managed in between sobs.

His knife stabbed through my arm. I cried out, not from pain, I could handle that, but rather surprise and sadness. Gon had been my first friend, the first person to prove to me I was capable of loyalty. But that had clearly been a lie, he had probably been planning to kill me the second he found out I was an assassin and just pretended to be my best friend.

No! That had to be a lie! Gon was the most honest and kind person I knew and wouldn’t lie to me. I could also tell when people lied to me, a simple part of training I had been taught since I was born. Unless… he was just a really good liar. But why would he? Why? Why? Why?

My emotions and confusion swirled and bubbled to the surface, more tears stinging to my eyes. They streamed down my face, I grabbed at my injured arm a little too slowly and the knife stabbed at my other arm, so I guess my slow timing was good. Gon had been aiming for my chest.

I slid back a little and covered my body in electricity. Gon wouldn’t attack me and risk getting electrocuted. We made eye contact and I felt the tears drip off my face as more continued to stream down my cheeks. I held out my hands and let the lightning zap between them. Gon still had the blank look in his eyes, but he didn’t come forward. Instead he stood still, my blood dripping from his knife. I thought that maybe I could run away and find safety. Then I could find a way to defeat Gon without killing him.

But only seconds later, Gon started crouching and a golden light started appearing at his hand as he said, “Jan… ken…”

I hopped away, my clothes rippling in the air. I thought I had escaped his attack, a breath being released. Then suddenly he shouted “SCISSORS” and something slashed across my stomach. I spat up blood for the first time in a while. It was a deep cut. A really deep cut. I reached the ground and stumbled back, grabbing at my stomach. I stared down at my hand, covered in my own blood, the hot, red liquid dripping in between my fingers. I’d had blood on my hands before, yes, but never this much of my own.

My eyes lifted up to see Gon approaching me, the knife in hand. How on Earth was he so  _ strong _ ? Or was I just too scared to fight him and use my strength and Nen. Yes, that was it. I could never harm Gon, even during this. Gon had something to live for and find, unlike me. Maybe I was just holding him back from his dream, I am pretty selfish. No one should be held back from their dreams by a selfish murderer. He would be better off without me yes, but how could he kill me?

He stood over me, his knife in his hands, ready to stab in my chest. I sat there, my emotions confusing me and breaking me. Tears continued to roll down my cheeks, as I stared at my friend. Maybe my brother was right, maybe assassins don’t need friends. I wiped at my tears, only mixing them with my blood and messing up my face. I had one final chance.

“Gon this isn’t you,” I said again, feeling the tears make tracks in the blood and dirt on my face, “You’re kind, caring, and honest. Y-you’re my best friend!”

Gon simply crouched down to me, staring me down with those now cold brown eyes. “I’m sorry, Killua.”

And he plunged the knife into my chest. The air left my lungs and I finally understood what happened and what was going to happen. I was stabbed by my best friend and I was going to die. I was too weak and too caring. I couldn’t protect myself from my people who wanted to kill me. My morals and heart had taken the place of my logic. Ah dammit!

I fell to the ground, staring at the sky above me. Gon stood over me, his blank eyes fading and becoming surprised, tears pricking at the corners. I heard the voices of Kurapika and Leorio as they ran this direction and the sun was blinding me, yet that didn’t hurt too much right now. As I heard the voices come closer, I heard a final thing before I lost all senses, the voice of my brother in my head.

“I told you Kil’, one day if you don’t betray someone, you’ll be the one who gets betrayed.”


	2. Gon

My hands shook and the knife fell out of my hand. Blood dripped from my fingertips onto the grass, hot and red. I had tried, I had tried so hard to stop myself. Each slice of the knife I tried to hold myself back, each time I used my Nen, but I just couldn’t. It was like something was controlling me. Now here I stood, staring at my best friend… dead. I couldn’t control myself and the final stab into the heart had killed him. Killua was gone.

Tears spilled over my cheeks and I fell down beside Killua, shaking him. He was an ex-assassin trained to injure torture, so surely he could survive this, right? He was pretending, right? Killua wasn’t dead, he wasn’t. But blood pooled around Killua and his skin was turning cold. I pulled him into my arms and sobbed, praying that he would come back. I hugged him close and whispered into his ear over and over and over, telling him to stay alive. For me, for Leorio, for Kurapika.

But he wouldn’t say anything, he wouldn’t move, he wouldn’t respond. He was gone and I had done it. I was weak and couldn’t stop myself from being controlled by whatever was controlling me. Nen was powerful, more powerful than my own willpower. Unless maybe… I had… NO! I couldn’t think like that! I would never want Killua dead! How could I think like that?

But some part of me could’ve hated Killua, something deep in my soul.

NO! NO! NO! Stop thinking like that Gon! Idiot! Killua is….  _ was _ your best friend. Nothing in your heart or your soul could hate him!

_ Unless that’s what you think. _

_ NO! He’s my best friend, I can’t live without him! _

_ Some part of you despises him, that’s why your willpower wasn’t powerful enough. You wanted him dead. _

_ No I didn’t! I want him back! Please! He’s my best friend! I love him! _

_ You should be glad he’s dead. _

_ NO! YOU’RE JUST THE THING THAT CONTROLLED ME! GIVE KILLUA BACK TO ME! _

I fell to the ground, tears now flowing down, sniffling uncontrollably. There was no way I hated Killua, I cared about him so much. We had done everything together. Someone was controlling me and my thoughts. I needed someone to fix me and Killua and then we could live our lives, have fun, hang out, and find Ging together. It was going to happen.

I was about to pick up Killua to find someone to help when Kurapika and Leorio appeared. The glasses on Leorio’s nose fell down, his eyes widening. Kurapika gasped, his eyes watering as they turned red. Leorio desperately dug through his suitcase, looking for something. Was he going to save Killua? Could he heal me too? When he did, we could hang out. Get something to eat and have a good time. Maybe play video games. Killua always brought video games.

“GON! HOW COULD YOU!?” Kurapika exclaimed.

“Wh-what do you m-mean?” I finally managed to say.

Leorio was trying to save Killua and looked at me, “You killed Killua!”

No I didn’t. I mean yes I did, but  _ I  _ didn’t make myself do it. I couldn’t form this into words though, and even if I could, they wouldn’t believe me. Blood stained every inch of my clothes, dripped down my hands and ran down my arms. Yet I didn’t have a scratch on me. It was all Killua’s blood. I had stabbed him and sliced him and killed him.

I was to blame.

“Please… I didn’t…. Killua…. save… Killua… help me….” Was all that broke out through my sobs and closing esophagus.

“Leave!” Kurapika demanded, his eyes scarlet and rage filled.

I stumbled away, wiping my hands on my shorts so I could wipe my nose. Tears clouded my vision. They hated me now, for something I didn’t do. Even if I tried to explain, they wouldn’t believe me. Besides, I could have tried harder, I had a strong willpower…. right? I could have saved Killua if I had tried harder… right?

But even as they pushed me away, they didn’t want to hurt me. Why?

Why wasn’t I being attacked for killing Killua?

Why wasn’t I strong enough?

Why did Killua not try to stop me?

Why was I being controlled?

Why? Why? _Why?_ _WHY?_

The questions couldn’t be answered. Not now and probably never. So I stumbled through the forest, wondering what I would do now with no friends, no control over my own mind, and no Killua.


	3. Hisoka

I stood outside the room, listening closely. Illumi never showed emotion and it was rare for me to see him so much as smile. I couldn’t hear it, but I could tell that he was crying on the other side of this door. He needed alone time, I knew it, but I wasn’t going to let him leave the room without speaking to me about the incident. So I slid down the wall and sat on the floor, playing with my cards, waiting for Illumi to come out.

It was clear that when people passed by for the next three hours, they didn’t like that I was there, especially if Illumi was going through hard times. He was supposed to deal with it, act like it didn’t affect him, pretend he didn’t care, hide his emotions. They would kick me out but knew I was too powerful so they didn’t try. Many times I had planned on doing things to upset Illumi yes, thinking starting a fight would be exciting, but now he needed someone and I was the only person he had.

After another hour, I got tired of waiting and started banging on the door, “Illumi, talk to me now!”

“Leave me alone Hisoka.” He demanded in a monotonous voice, “I told you to leave hours ago.”

“You’re not okay! Talk to me, you need to.” I said.

“I’m fine.”

With Illumi refusing to talk to me on his own, I finally decided to take action. I broke down the door and then leaned on to the doorframe, pressing a card against my lips. Illumi glared at me, his usually empty eyes sparkling and tears pricking at his eyes. He wiped at his eyes, swore, and sat up straight, trying to make the most blank face he could muster.

“You’re upset about Killua aren’t you?” I asked.

“I’m not supposed to be upset,” Is all Illumi said.

“But you are.”

“Shut up.”

“Talk to me.”

“I don’t need to.”

I rolled my eyes so hard they almost went back into my head. The more Illumi tried to convince me with his BS the more I wanted to walk out the door. But I couldn’t, he was my friend (even if he just called us ‘business partners’), he needed to talk to someone. So I sat next to him and crossed my legs. He pushed his sharp nails against my neck, a droplet of red dripping down my neck. If he didn’t like me sitting next to him he would just have to deal with it.

“So about the Killua thing.” I said.

Illumi’s nails dug deeper into my skin, “There is no ‘Killua thing’.” He muttered.

“Mhmm,” I said sarcastically as I tossed cards into the floor.

“Don’t do that, I’ll have to clean it up you moron.” Illumi said.

“I’ll clean it up if you talk about the incident with me.” I responded, “You need to stop bottling up your feelings and talk to someone.”

Finally Illumi moved his hand away from my throat and stared at the wall. His eyes began to shine again and one or two tears ran down his cheeks. I had never seen Illumi cry. I’ve seen him mad, I’ve seen smile sometimes, I’ve seen him annoyed. But even then, he usually tried to keep an emotionless demeanor. Now he just cried and had a heartbroken look in his usually blank eyes. He cared for Killua, he loved Killua. Now he wasn’t even sure if he was alive. Maybe if I could find him and whoever killed him, I could take them out. Maybe then Illumi would feel a little better.

“It’s my fault,” Illumi said, trying to brush away the tears as more fell, “If only I hadn’t….”

“Hadn’t what?” I asked.

Illumi sniffled a little, “I wanted Kil’ to come home so I used my needles on his friend. It was supposed to make Kil’ think he was betrayed and to defeat him and come home but…”

My eyes widened, “Gon? You used your needles on Gon and he killed…”

Illumi mumbled something incomprehensible and asked him to repeat himself. He once again whispered too quietly for me to hear. I leaned in closer, trying to listen. He slapped me and held his sharp nails in my face, eyes now tearless and angry.

“Go away. You’re not helping. If you don’t leave, I’ll kill you.” Illumi said.

I sighed and stood, I wasn’t helping him any. I needed to leave and let him deal with his emotions by himself for now. Maybe I could get into touch with Gon. Standing up, I whispered a goodbye and left the room. Descending the stairs, I felt useless, like I wasn’t a good friend. What I had said to Illumi hadn’t helped him at all, only made him feel worse. I wished I could go back and fix what I said.

But I couldn’t.

So when I left the land surrounding the mansion, I leaned against the wall keeping people out. I tossed cards into the walls and ground, feeling guilty and sad. I just wished I could help Illumi. No matter how much he denied it, I was his friend, he was depressed, and he needed to talk to someone. If I couldn’t help Illumi, then what could I do. I couldn’t kill Gon, it wasn’t his fault and I also had to fight him one day. Maybe I could heal Killua….

No, none of that would fix anything.

I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and had to compose myself. The next day, I would meet up with Illumi again and try to get him to talk to me. So I stood up straight and left, jumping trees, heading to where I was staying for now.


	4. Gon

It’s said hunters are good with animals. I always thought I was pretty good with animals, they always came my way, bunnies bouncing towards me, foxbears letting me pet their muzzles, birds would land on my fingers when I held my hand out. Of course no animal came to me now with blood covering me, tears continuing to stream down my face, and something controlling my mind. I was a stumbling mess, animals probably  _ ran  _ from me.

Eventually I fell to the ground. I couldn’t join my friends, they thought I had killed Killua and they would probably tell Kite too. If I got to Whale Island, would Aunt Mito still trust me? Would whatever is controlling my mind come back and make me kill her? How can I live with this heavy weight in my heart? How can I live with this guilt? With the possibility that this mind thing can come back and kill everyone I love? I curled up, wishing the earth would just reclaim me. It would be so much easier than living a life in constant fear and dread.

But of course, life never worked out for me. I closed my eyes, wanting to simply drift off to sleep and not wake up for a while. But just then, something rang loudly in my ears, making me go into the fetal position, grabbing them and making the tears fall faster and even more. It hurt my head so badly, the headache growing worse with every second. Through the ringing, it was almost like I heard a voice. Something urging me to stand and come to…. wherever they were.

NO! It was whatever had controlled me earlier and made me kill Killua! I couldn’t let it control me again! I curled up more, pressing my knees to my chins, the smell of metallic blood making me dizzy.

I didn’t want to be a hunter anymore. Why did I have to be so curious? Why did I have to chase after someone who had abandoned me? Because of this, my friends hated me, my best friend was dead, and I was being manipulated by something. I just didn’t know  _ what _ .

This was all a nightmare, right? I would wake up and be with Killua in the hotel. Kite would come and we would continue our research on those fascinating new mammals we had discovered. Killua and I would laugh. Killua would be  _ alive _ . Then we would go to dinner with Leorio and Kurapika. Life would be good. I could send letters to Aunt Mito. It was just a nightmare.

It wasn’t.

Soon, my willpower broke again and I stood up without controlling myself. My body pushed forward against my commands and the stumbling stopped. The air was fresh. My mind was full and blank all at once. The blood was oh so pungent but at the same time, I managed to block it out. It felt so weird, kind of like the first time I had been controlled. Everything was so otherworldly and strange. I hated it.

Animals then began to follow, curious. I could see them in my peripheral vision, they could attack me and I wouldn’t be able to defend myself. Yet they stayed back, almost as if they knew I was being a puppet of something deadly. In fact, I could kill them all in seconds.

I felt something follow me from behind but I couldn’t turn my head. I wanted to know who or what it was, I wanted to protect myself. I needed to get away.

But I just kept walking forward, the puppeteer forcing me through the woods


	5. Kurapika

**~Time Skip~**

Killua had always been the one all of us had expected to live the longest, despite all his antics. We would always joke about how we would probably get poisoned, fall off a building, or maybe Gon would eat the wrong wild berry. Of course Killua would survive all of that, with Godspeed and his assassin training. I would probably die earliest because of my Nen ability, Emperor Time.

That had all been wrong.

My sobs echoed through the church as I cried and ran my thumb across Killua’s cold hands as he laid, his sapphire blue eyes closed forever. My tears distorted my vision. Of my last look at my young friend. His unhealthily pale skin paler than ever, his messy white hair especially fluffy for this occasion. His hands crossed across his chest, wearing the suit he had worn in Yorknew City. Was this really the last I would see of him? Yes. Life was cruel.

I sat back down beside Leorio, crying as much as I had the day I had found my clan dead. Leorio rubbed my shoulder, trying to make me feel better even though I could tell he was trying to hold back his own tears. He must have felt so guilty. He had tried to save Killua so badly, but you couldn’t be saved from a knife to the heart, it would be a miracle if you could.

This day was the day I realized everyone, even assassins were fragile. That life really could be stolen away so quickly, so easily. I just thought it was the cruel people in the world that could do this, like the Phantom Troupe, but I was wrong. Your friends could also be your demise.

I knew I could trust Leorio, he was honest and caring. Gon had always hidden something underneath there. He had always been a monster. A ticking time bomb waiting to blow.

But how could he betray Killua?

Whatever the case, he had killed Killua, his supposed best friend. Now I sat here at the funeral of a boy who had a tragic childhood and could have had a wonderful future. People we had met said their condolences, walked over to Killua’s casket, prayed. It was too much for me, but I tried my best to keep my composure. I had to stop crying, I was the one who was going to say the speech after all.

A few minutes passed and people talked, cried, and tried to make the energy in the room a little nicer. Finally I stood and walked to the podium in front of Killua’s body, pulling out my speech, and calling for everyone to sit. My eyes scanned the attendees, making eye contact with many people: Kite, Morel, Knuckle, Shoot, Knov, Palm, Zepile, Spinner, Banana, Lin, Monta, Stick, Podungo, and many more people I didn’t know.

Then, I started reading the speech, managing to keep the stinging behind my eyes from becoming anything larger, “Today, we gather to remember our dear friend Killua Zoldyck. He always kept us in line, he was kind, funny, sometimes a little rude or sarcastic,” I laughed a little, remembering his smirk, “He always protected us when we needed protecting, he talked to us when we were sad, he was a close friend to all of us. And I’m sure he’s looking down on us from heaven right now, happy that we’re all here.”

I heard sniffles across the room. I saw a woman with long brown hair rub Leorio’s shoulder, telling him everything was okay. I heard small prayers and people wishing him luck in the afterlife. The coffin carriers in the back shifted uncomfortably, sad looks on their faces. They knew they had to carry the casket of a child, that surely had to be a burden. But once again, everything hit me in the face. A pang of sorrow stabbed into my heart.

Killua was actually dead.

Maybe it had been my brain trying to ignore the truth, not fully processing what had happened. Perhaps it had thought Killua would rise from that coffin and say something like ‘haha, I’m not dead’ or something like that. But it never happened. Instead, the tears came like waterfalls and his eyes turned scarlet before the whole church. I couldn’t be in there anymore.

I raced out the door near the podium and heard the noise of another’s shoes pounding on the ground behind me. I turned to see Leorio, huffing and puffing and then grabbing my shoulder, his glasses falling down his nose.

“Kurapika!” He exclaimed, “You can’t just run out with your eyes like that! You could get hurt!”

“I know!” I shouted, “I just can’t be in there anymore! I have just lost another loved one and I can’t handle it!”

Leorio brushed a tear from my cheek and I smacked his hand away. I didn’t want anyone touching me right now. I didn’t want anyone talking to me right now. I just needed alone time, I needed to fully except he was gone.

“Do you want me to finish the speech?” Leorio asked.

I nodded.

Leorio rubbed my back and I let him just this once. Then he led me to the car that we had ridden to the church in. He said I could stay there for the rest of the funeral, then I could go to the burial if I wanted. If I didn’t, we could just head back to the hotel. I thanked him, and sat on the passenger side.

How exactly was I supposed to deal with this. My rage and sorrow was already built up inside me from my clan’s death, so how was I supposed to deal with Killua’s demise? It hurt to my very core.

  
  


Later, Leorio arrived, informing me the burial was about to happen. I didn’t want to watch my young friend descend into the ground. It would be too much for me. Leorio understood. He started the engine and we drove straight to the hotel.

“Thank you, Leorio.” I said.

“No need to thank me.” Leorio responded, “I know what it’s like.”


	6. Hisoka

“Does this help you at all Illu?” I asked, watching Illumi study a bloodied needle in between his fingers.

“No.”

I raised my eyebrow, “Then why did you decide to make him come here?”

“I wanted my needle back.” Illumi said.

“Did you think that taking back your needle and bringing Gon here would bring Killua back?” I asked, playing with my deck of cards.

“No.”

“Say something more than ‘no’ Illumi.”

“No.”

I stood up straight from where I was leaning against the wall. As I passed the room Illumi had left from, I spotted Gon asleep in a bed, a bandage covering his head. Since Illumi had brought him to the mansion, he had been out cold, so today he had chosen to take the needle out of his head. He had been out of it since he heard that Killua was officially dead.

So why did Illumi want Gon here? He had so many needles to use in the future.

Illumi leaned against the wall, stared at the pin, and tossed it across the room. Both my eyebrows raised high, almost off my face. So I was right, Illumi was lying.

“You don’t want the needle.” I stated.

Illumi dropped his head into his hands, sobbing. That caught me off guard. He only cried that one time in front of me and it was only a few tears, now he was straight up bawling his eyes out. Of course, he loved Killua, despite all that he’s done, he did. Maybe it was a screwed up type of love but it was love. He was depressed.

Illumi pulled his hands away from his face, “If only I hadn’t been so selfish. I didn’t realize using my needles would make him kill my little brother…”

If I could, I would try to empathize with him, but I hardly knew how to. I never had a little sibling, especially one who died. And I never ended up blaming myself for their death. This wasn’t Illumi’s fault, he never wanted Killua to die. With a sigh, I activated my Nen and pulled him over using my Bungee Gum.

He tried to pry himself off, but of course it was impossible. Soon, we were face to face and I tapped my finger against his nose. He tried to swat away my hand but I pushed his down. I took some strands of his long black hair, making eye contact with him. I brushed away his tears and then I started talking.

“Illumi Zoldyck, none of this is your fault.”

“Let me go before I kill you.” He said.

“Nope~.” I responded, shuffling some cards in the hand not using my Nen.

“Damn you Hisoka.” He said and I smiled.

I pulled him closer, so close I could feel his breath against my face, “Now listen to me and repeat. This. Is. Not. My. Fault.”

“But it is. I killed Kil’.” Illumi said monotonously, obviously trying not to cry.

“No!” I exclaimed, “You didn’t. You didn’t know that that’s what your Nen would do. You didn’t do it on purpose. Now repeat: This. Is. Not. My. Fault.”

“This is not my fault.”

“Say it slowly. Get it into your mind. Believe it.”

“This. Is. Not. My. Fault.”

I smiled, “Good! Now repeat it when you feel like blaming yourself.”

Illumi glared, “Okay, whatever. Now let me go.”

I deactivated my Nen and Illumi walked away, rubbing at the place on his cheek where I attached Bungee Gum. I saw someone approaching, Kalluto. He eyed Illumi and raised his eyebrow at me and I simply leaned against the wall. If I told Kalluto I knew Illumi would get angry and when Illumi is angry you don’t want to mess with him. In Kalluto’s arms was a new outfit and something to feed Gon. Kalluto had been his caregiver for the past few weeks.

Kalluto entered Gon’s room and I finally decided to leave. I passed by Illumi and patted his shoulder to which he sliced me in the side with his nails. I smiled, Illumi was like that all the time, maybe he was feeling a bit better.

“Follow my advice.” I said.

Then I left the mansion.


	7. Gon

I woke up with a pounding pain in my head. I rubbed it and felt bandages on my forehead which was weird. The last thing I remembered was reaching… Killua’s house? I had found my way to the gate and suddenly I had fallen unconscious. What had I been doing? Was I visiting Killua? If so, why was he back at the mansion? Didn’t he hate it there?

And then it hit me all over again.

Killua.

Was.

Dead.

And the reason I was at the Zoldyck mansion? I was being controlled. And then it clicked. The person who had been controlling me was Illumi! He could manipulate people using his needles. But why would he want to kill Killua? The pang of sorrow stabbed my heart as that thought crossed my mind. Had I really accepted that… my best friend was dead?

And not only that but Kurapika and Leorio had thought I had done it on purpose, didn’t even try to listen to a word I said. No one would trust me after this.

I was all alone.

Tears welled up behind my eyelids. Why? Why me?

Someone suddenly entered the room and I flinched, startled. My eyes caught their’s and I recognized their black kimono, pink eyes, and dark, bobbed hair. It was Kalluto Zoldyck, Killua’s little brother. I’m glad I had at least been introduced to him or else I would have mistaken him for some random little girl. But why was he here?

“Oh!” He exclaimed, “You’re awake!”

I tugged at my new white shirt, “Yeah. Why are you here?”

“Illumi brought you here,” Kalluto said, “And you were out since you arrived. Illumi removed the needle from your head so don’t worry about the headache and bandages.”

“Oh..” I mumbled.

Then I thought of something and I looked at Kalluto, hope filling me, “Is Killua alive?”

Kalluto’s eyes softened, sadness crossing his face, “I’m sorry….”

My hope shattered. Kalluto would know Killua’s status, they were related. So it was confirmed… he was gone. My best friend. One of my only friends who was my age. My first friend. We were meant to be together forever, right? We promised to stick by each other’s sides until I found Ging and Killua found what he wanted to do. Now I was alone, especially since the other two abandoned me. I started hyperventilating. This was becoming a panic attack.

Kalluto’s eyes widened and he ran over to me, rubbing my back. He had a bowl of soup in his other hand and he handed it to me. Why was he being so nice? He handed me a spoon and spoke words of comfort to me, trying to calm me down. I had truly never gotten to know him, he was so…. nice.

“You okay?” He asked after I had calmed a little.

I slurped up some soup, “No. My best friend is dead and the others won’t believe me. They think I killed him on purpose.”

Kalluto gave me a sympathetic look, “I’m so sorry. I seem to see so much suffering around me right now.”

I raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“Illumi is going through rough times too,” He said, “He tried to just make it  _ seem _ like you betrayed Killua, but the needles were too strong and… he’s just really depressed.”

I clenched my fist, “That… that bastard. Why did he try to make me betray Killua.”

“He wanted him to come home.”

We sat in silence. Something about Kalluto was different than Illumi, than any of the Zoldycks other than Killua who I have met. He was kind, empathetic, sure he was an assassin but he just seemed…. like a good person. We talked a bit, this time about the food. He said that he had made it and I complimented his skills and soon, I was done. Kalluto was about to leave before turning back to me.

He had heard me sniffling. Kindness and food can’t fix my emotions and I was crying again. I missed my friends. I missed my life. Why couldn’t all this just be a bad dream. Kalluto sat the bowl and plate on a table beside the door and walked over again.

“Gon.” He said, “You said your friends abandoned you?”

I sniffed, “Yeah.”

“I know some people who won’t do that,” he said, “Despite their reputation, they aren’t that bad. Sure some things they’ve done aren’t that good but… they’re loyal.”

My eyes met Kalluto’s, “Really?”

He nodded, “You can trust them with your life. They can’t and won’t betray each other. They are one.”

I was interested now, “Who?”

Kalluto held out his hand, smiling, “Gon, how about you join the Phantom Troupe?”


	8. Alluka

The door hasn’t opened in years. I have been locked down here since I was very young and I haven’t seen anyone for a very long time. So I was surprised when the door opened up to reveal my younger brother, Kalluto. He wore a black kimono and his dark hair was in a bob. I was extremely curious, why was he visiting?

“Kalluto?” I asked.

Kalluto tugged at the sleeves of his kimono, “I have to tell you something to tell you… Alluka.”

I leaned forward, curious. “What is it?”

“Killua is… dead.”

Suddenly the world stopped spinning. Big Brother was dead? Was this true? That couldn’t be right. He was so strong, he could win any fight. He promised to visit me at some time a little while ago… but now he couldn’t. Unless this was just a cruel joke. But the look on Kalluto’s face told me he wasn’t joking, that Big Brother was actually dead. I didn’t know how to respond except to crumple back to the ground and sob.

I could feel Nanika crying as well. Just the idea of losing Big Brother was too much for both of us. I wished I could just pull Nanika out of my body and hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay, even if I knew myself it wasn’t. Nanika knew this and this just made us both a thousand times sadder.

Kalluto sniffed and stared at the ground, clenching his fists. “I just… felt like you should know.”

I looked up at him, tears blurring my vision, “Th-thank you.”

“I-I miss him too.” Kalluto mumbled.

Silence filled the room. Nanika was too upset to make any demands and I was too sad to say anything more than the acknowledgement. We stayed there for a few minutes, the sound of the air conditioner and Kalluto’s sobs breaking the quiet. Everything was too silent, everything was too much. Big Brother, the only person in my whole life who loved me, is dead.

_ Hey Alluka. _ I heard Nanika finally say in my mind.

“Hm?” I said.

_ We can… save… Killua. _

I wiped at my nose, “Huh? Really?”

_ I can…. bring things… back… to….life. _

“But we’ve only done it a few times, on small animals.”

_ But we can… try… we have…. to… save Killua. _

I gulped. Nanika was right. She can heal injured, dying, and dead creatures. Maybe if we could find Big Brother we could bring him back. He had to have friends who were missing him, not just his family. Kalluto looked confused about me talking to myself. Finally I stood and walked over to Kalluto. He looked a little uncomfortable, but then he unstiffened when I didn’t do anything. Then I explained the plan.

“Nanika and I have a plan. We’re gonna find Big Brother and heal him. Nanika has the power.”

Kalluto put his finger to his chin, “She does, doesn’t she?”

I nodded.

Kalluto smiled and brushed away his tears, “Okay, let’s do it. Besides, I think this will help fix a huge mistake I made.”

“What mistake?” I asked.

“It has something to do… with Killua’s friend.” He admitted.

I didn’t know what he had done, but knew I had to help. Any friend of Big Brother’s is a friend of mine. I held out my hand and Kalluto hesitated before grabbing it. It was a silent agreement that we would work together for once to save Big Brother and his friend.

“Let’s do this.” Kalluto said.


	9. Gon

The tattoo was burnt into my skin.

The number nine was in the middle of the spider with twelve legs.

My shoulder stung, but I felt like I belonged.

I was surprised I was let in so easily.

I had been involved with the Chain User.

But they had let me in with open arms.

Nobunaga patted my back, “Thanks for reconsidering, you’re a strong little guy.”  
I smiled, “I just needed… a family.”  
I felt a pang of guilt, they had killed the Kurta clan, but they accepted me. They understood I hadn’t purposely killed Killua.  
They were understanding, loyal, and friendly.  
A found family.  
I needed to send my thanks to Kalluto.  
Franklin patted my head, “Welcome little dude.”  
Machi wasn’t happy that I replaced Ms. Pakunoda, but she was kind.  
Shizuku and Shalnark hung out with me when I was bored.  
The two other guys who I never knew helped me get used to the tattoo; Kortopi and the mummy guy.  
Phinks was a little rude at first but soon we started to get along, jokingly punching each other.  
Chrollo wasn’t here.  
But no matter what, I felt happy. They wouldn’t betray me, they were kind to me, they cared. They would never abandon me.  
This was my new found family.


	10. Kurapika

**~Time Skip~**

It’s been a week since the funeral. Honestly I don’t understand how I’ve been able to handle this. Truly what I had been doing was bottling up my feelings, trying to drown myself in work and overstimulate myself so I didn’t have to think about it. This had gotten so bad that I haven’t bathed in a while, just so I didn’t have a chance to think in the shower. I was so distracted by my work that Leorio had to bring me Chinese takeout almost every day.

Today, my tired eyes scanned my computer, clicking on links to websites in order to find something that could help me find the Scarlet Eyes. I clicked on another page in order to search up some stuff that Neon might be interested in. The steam from my coffee cup wafted up to my nose and the smell caused my hand to drift towards the handle, like a moth to a flame.

I knocked the mug over and the coffee spilled all over the table and I grabbed my laptop in an attempt to save it. I then proceeded to drop the computer on the ground, the coffee spilling off the table and dripping onto the floor and my now most likely broken computer.

“Son of a bitch.” I muttered under my breath.

I checked my computer and tapped at the keys and tried the ON button, but no matter how much I attempted, the computer wouldn’t turn on. It was broken. Did I even have the money to fix it?

Probably not.

Just my luck.

As I was about to clean up my mess, someone banged on the door. I groaned and pulled off the red hoodie I was wearing and tossed it over the coffee. I could get it cleaned later. Heading towards the door, I attempted to try and look somewhat presentable by running my fingers through my hair. Leorio never knocked, just straight up walked in, so this was a guest… whoever it was. I hoped I didn’t look as bad as I felt.

I opened the door to greet whoever was coming to visit. My eyes fell down when I only saw the very top of a head in my vision. Standing before me was a little girl wearing a pink and green dress with many folds. She tugged at strands of her blackish-purple hair with strange beads in it. Her blue eyes filled with an innocent hope, like she was smiling with her eyes as well as her lips.

“Hello!” She said happily, “Are you Kurapika?”

I was taken aback. I had no clue who this girl was or who she could be connected to. Unless she was related to anyone I worked with. But I couldn’t just lie to her, she seemed so kind and hopeful. So I said yes.

She clapped her hands together, “Yay!”

I smiled awkwardly and didn’t know what to do next. Suddenly someone appeared next to the girl and immediately recognized them… it was one of Killua’s brothers. I blanked on his name but I recognized him easily with his black kimono and dark hair. So was this little girl is Killua’s sister? He had never mentioned having a sister before.

The girl held out her arms wide, “Give me a hug!”

“Er…” I said and I saw Killua’s brother panic a bit.

“Just go ahead and hug her,” He said, “Then I’ll lead her into another room, it’s because of…. something.”

So I hugged the little girl and she laughed in joy. Killua’s brother then took her hand and led her away, her face a mix of confusion and sadness. I was too confused to want to understand everything that just happened. Eventually Killua’s brother returned, the worry in his eyes dying down a little.

“Kurapika, me and Alluka have found a way to save Killua. You just need to tell us where he is.” He said.

The pang of hurt stabbed into my heart once more. The distraction was over and now I had to think of his death all over again. But within that hurt, I felt a flutter of joy. Did they really figure out a way to bring Killua back? If so how and when?

Killua’s brother looked me in the eye, “It’s a secret, but a spirit inhabits Alluka and it can bring things back from the dead through wishes. She demanded a hug, she needs to demand two more things of you before you can make the wish of Killua’s life. So hope that they aren’t bad.”

That was a lot of info already, but I got the gist. Basically I had to let the girl, Alluka, demand things from me… then I could wish Killua back. I nodded and went to get ready. We were heading to a graveyard today.


	11. Hisoka

Today went in this order:

  1. I woke up.
  2. I made breakfast.
  3. I got ready for the day.
  4. I explored a little.
  5. I found out the Troupe had made a huge mistake.



Let’s start from the beginning. I woke up groggily, the sun shining into my eyes. What was I supposed to do again? Oh right, I was going to stop by the Phantom Troupe then visit Illumi, see how he was doing and if Gon was awake yet.

Just out of curiosity.

So with that, I stumbled out of bed and reached the kitchen, already planning to make bacon and eggs. Yes, as you see, the great Hisoka the Magician was not a morning person. I hate to admit it, but I wasn’t always as cool as I’d like to be. With a grumble I pulled out a pan from the cabinet and some eggs and bacon from the fridge. Then I started cooking.

I wondered when the body of that useless guy would be found and I would have to move. Staying in one place wasn’t really my type of thing and I was getting tired of staying there. I needed to go somewhere else, I needed a new thing to do, new people to fight. Within a few minutes I was sipping some tea and leaning against the counter, staring at the cooking breakfast on the stove.

Would Illumi like some. Yeah, probably not.

After eating my breakfast and finishing my tea I went to the bathroom. I pulled my hair up and backwards, making it wavy before using hair gel. Yes, that was my secret. Then I pulled out the face paint and started painting my star and tear on my face. Everyone told me it looked stupid and that I looked like a clown, but it was my signature makeup style, I had to keep up the persona of a magician, so I didn’t care.

Then I got dressed and grabbed my cards. Today I was going to make it a little different, a little more fun, more exciting. Maybe if I riled up one of the Spiders I could have a little fight, I was getting annoyed and more impatient each day I tried to find a way to give Chrollo’s Nen back. I just needed to fight someone more powerful than all the other people I have fought recently. I was just itching for one.

I stepped out of the house (apartment) and stretched. My neighbors gave me the daily ‘what the hell’ look as I waved at them. They were obviously judging my outfit once again, even though they have seen me in similar outfits almost everyday.

I got into my car, which I may or may not have stolen, and stepped on the gas, driving far off. Maybe on my way to the Troupe’s current location I could explore around the woods, if it had anything interesting in it. So I went a different direction for once, which might look suspicious if anyone cared what I did at this point. I reached the edge of a wooded area eventually and as I walked some miles in, I could sense the aura of something powerful, maybe a magical beast?

I turned, making eye contact with the creature stalking me and smirked.

“Why hello.” I said, pulling out my cards.

  
  


As I entered the base of the Phantom Troupe, I had walked up right beside the lovely pink haired Machi. She scrunched up her nose, studying the blood that spattered my clothes. I didn’t like it either, to be honest, I would have to get the stain out.

“What on Earth did you do before you got here?” She asked in disgust.

A card was still held in between my fingers and I lifted it to my lips and kissed it, “Just a little fight~.”

“Of course.” She said, “Try to make yourself at least semi-formal  _ right now _ , we have a new member.”

“Oh,” I said in surprise, “Are they strong?”

“Most likely and I don’t care as long as he’s helpful. But he is pretty nice.” She finally brought her eyes back to her book, “Just put something on over that stupid outfit.”

“Hmmm.” I said, “I don’t think I will.”

Machi scoffed.

In curiosity, I went over to where I heard laughter, expecting to see a new, grown man in replacement of either Pakunoda or Uvogin. But I froze as soon as I saw who was laughing and hanging out with Shalnark and Shizuku.

Gon sat there, a twelve legged spider tattooed on his shoulder, crossing over a little bit onto his pectoral.


	12. Alluka/Nanika

Nanika and I were about to heal Big Brother, I should have been happy. But instead, as my eyes fell upon the lifeless and unmoving pale body of the only family member who had ever loved me, tears began to fall and didn’t stop. Kurapika, lucky enough that Nanika had demanded very little, stood aside, staring at the ground, shovel in hand. Kalluto did something similar, refusing to look at Big Brother, not crying either.

He should be breathing. He was supposed to be breathing.  _ Why wasn’t he breathing? _

It was a sudden realization, but it was my mind finally coming to terms that he was actually dead. That Big Brother had left the world of the living. But Nanika was here, so she could bring him back. So why was I crying?

I ran my hand over the wooden casket, the moonlight illuminating his calm face. I couldn’t stop sobbing and the same was for Nanika. I stood there for a few minutes before I decided it was time for Nanika to come out and bring Big Brother back.

**Nanika**

I gently took Killua’s hand, tears dripping down my cheeks. His hand was so cold and it was almost too hard for me to heal him. Kurapika looked at me, slightly scared and slightly confused. I didn’t mind, I had gotten that look many times before. I needed to save Killua.

I love Killua.

He was my older brother and he had to be brought back. He loved me and cared for me and was kind to me and Alluka. His eyes were closed and I wanted to see his brotherly, caring blue eyes again. It was so cruel, that the universe had stolen his soul. I needed to bring it back.

A light shone bright around our hands, it didn’t hurt my eyes but I saw Kalluto and Kurapika look away. I had seen this light before, my earliest memory of it being when I had healed a dying baby bird, Killua watching in awe. That was one of those days I remembered someone actually loved me. Could you believe it!? Me! Nanika!

And that simply made me cry harder as the light became brighter and surrounded us. I could tell that my emotions made me stronger, I’m sure if I hadn’t felt this way, I would not have been able to bring someone who was already dead back to life. Killua’s hand became warmer in my palm and more tears fell, dripping onto his face.

After the glow faded, Killua groaned a little and his eyes fluttered open. My heart leapt into my throat and I had never felt more happy. I could feel that Alluka was filled with joy as well. Killua was back!

His eyes fell on me and he mumbled, “Nanika…? What are you doing here? Where am I….?”

I pulled him out of his coffin and hugged him, crying into his shoulder, “Killu...a… I love…. you.”

Killua wrapped his arms around me as well, “I love you too Nanika.”

He was probably so confused, but my happiness was too much and I didn’t want to explain just yet. My emotions were a mess and so were Alluka’s, mixed tears of joy and grief. I clutched his suit in my hands, probably making his shoulder wet with my tears. Alluka and I both probably didn’t realize how much we had missed Killua already, then he died, and now he was back. Our feelings were all over the place.

Kurapika and Kalluto ran over and embraced Killua as well, in a type of group hug. Killua’s confusion grew, but everyone was crying so he said nothing. We were all just so overjoyed that he was back and he just accepted it, not wanting to make us feel any worse.

“Killua, I’m so glad you’re back.” Kalluto said.

Kurapika sniffled, mumbling something incomprehensible.

“I missed you…. so much… Killua…” I whispered.

“I missed you too Nanika.” He didn’t say anything back to Kalluto and Kurapika, probably because he was so confused.

No words had to be spoken though, for we were all too joyful right now.


	13. Gon

There were some things I had to learn about being a member of the Phantom Troupe. 1: Don’t trust anyone unless they’re another member of the Troupe. 2: If there’s a problem, flip a coin. No conflicts. 3: Work together, as one. We were the legs of the Spider. And 4….

_ There was no room for morals. _

When it came to helping your allies - no,  _ friends _ there was no need for morals. You simply acted to protect and help your friends, you couldn’t think of anyone else. What scared me most though was that I had been thinking kind of like that already. I was impulsive and selfish and would act on emotions, especially if it had something to do with my friends.

Nobunaga patted my back and messed up my hair, “You’ll fit right in kiddo.”

“Thanks.” I laughed.

Recently, I had been getting along with Nobunaga. He was very kind to me and we would make lots of dumb jokes. He helped me understand things if I was having trouble. He helped me become stronger in one day. He even gave me a nickname: G-Man! It was like he was my father, the one I never had. So even though I had only been with the Spiders for two days, the craziest thing happened.

Nobunaga went to stand, and I needed to ask him one more thing, and his name came out like, “Dad!”

He looked back, his tired eyes holding questions and some… happiness in them too, “Gon? Did you just call me ‘Dad’?”

I slapped my hand over my mouth. “N-no.” I lied.

Nobunaga came over and crouched to my height, placing his hand on top of my head. His smile was kind and he told me not worry about calling him ‘dad’. Then he hugged me and I felt the fatherly love I had never had. It was so amazing, just being able to have a father figure care for you, give you affection. I had been chasing after a father who had never given me that and probably never planned to. Why chase after Ging when Nobunaga was right here?

I began crying into his shoulder. Maybe I had been wrong about this man. He was caring and kind and was fun and funny and…

He rubbed my back, hugging me and trying to calm me and stop the tears. This was a father that would never abandon me. One who wouldn’t die either, he was strong enough to keep himself safe. He could teach me things and he was there when I was upset. He sat there, not saying anything as he allowed me to let out my feelings.

“Y-you won’t abandon me… right?” I cried, clutching his purple robe.

“I won’t,” He said, holding me in his arms, so gently, so caring.

The tears continued to stream down my face, “P-promise? Please don’t leave me. I-I don’t want to be a-abandoned by someone… wh-who’s like a father to me…. again.”

“Promise.” Nobunaga said, just sitting there, hugging me, caring for me. Promising that he wouldn’t leave me. Promising to be the father I never had, even if he didn’t say it exactly.

“Th-thank you…” I mumbled, sobs choking my voice, “Thank you s-so much Nobunaga.”

Nobunaga pulled out of the hug, placing his hands on my shoulders, a small smile appearing on his lips, “No need to thank me Gon, I’ll be here for you. I’ll train you, I’ll be here when you’re upset, I’ll be here when you need me.”

My lip trembled and my hand drifted to the tattoo on my shoulder, I touched it and it stung still, but I was here, with the Troupe. With a man who promised me that he wouldn’t leave me, that he would be there for me through everything. I was here with my new friends Shizuku and Shalnark. With the kind Machi who taught me many things. With my family.

“Stay with me….” I whispered, “Please… don’t leave me like Ging did.”

“I won’t, I won’t. Believe me when I say I won’t.” Nobunaga reassured me.

I wiped at my nose, “O-okay.”

Nobunaga messed up my hair again, “I gotta do something now G-Man, how about you go and play.”

I nodded and he brushed away the tears on my cheeks. This was a father, maybe he wasn’t mine biologically, but I could feel the connection, and so could he.

As he walked away and I wiped at my face, feeling embarrassed, Shalnark sat beside me.

“Hey, Nobunaga, I’ve never seen you like that before. Maybe you’d be a good father if you got married.” He said.

Nobunaga’s face got really red, “H-hey, shut up. I just care about Gon, I don’t actually wanna be a dad.”

“Liar!” I laughed, “You said you would be my father figure!”

“There’s a difference!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Shalnark and I said at the same time.

As Nobunaga went to talk with Feitan about something, I laughed with the rest of the Troupe. Yes, this was my real family. I never belonged with Kurapika and Leorio if they wouldn’t believe me. I couldn’t be with Killua now, since he was dead.

But here, nothing concerned me. They cared for me.

This was home.


	14. Killua

I was informed of all that had happened over the past few weeks, starting with my… death. I remembered it a bit, Gon had been slicing at me and then stabbed me in the heart. As Leorio and Kurapika had put it, he had “killed you in cold blood”. But that didn’t make sense. Why would he kill me, he even had started crying after he stabbed me. Unless…. the possibility of him actually hating me was still there.

“I-I’m sure he didn’t actually want to kill me.” I said as I drew my finger across the scar on my chest from the knife that killed me.

Leorio tossed me one of his massive button up shirts, “Why else would someone try to kill you then.”

I stared at my feet sadly, “It’s just… Gon wouldn’t do that…. I just feel like he was being controlled… or something.”

Suddenly Kalluto caught my arm, his eyes telling me not to pull away, “He was. Illumi used his needles on him.”

“Huh? Why?” I asked.

Kurapika raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, why? Doesn’t he want Killua to come home?”

Kalluto stared at the ground, “He wanted to make it look like Gon betrayed Killua… but his Nen went all out of whack. He’s really depressed right now.”

Silence filled the room. Kurapika slapped his hand over his mouth and began to cry, eyes turning scarlet. Leorio started tearing up too, nose running, pulling at his hair. They acted like they had done something awful, something worse than Illumi had.

“W-we should’ve listened to him!” Kurapika exclaimed.

Through sniffs, Leorio said, “Yeah, we should’ve.”

I felt so confused. All I knew was that they had blamed Gon for purposely killing me, but that’s it. I hadn’t even seen Gon…. maybe he was with Mito.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

Kurapika wiped at his tears, “I told Gon to go away, I forced him to run away into the forest.”

“Now he’s either dead or captured or still out there, in that dangerous forest.” Leorio placed his hand on his mouth in an attempt to muffle his sobs.

“Wh-what…?” I mumbled in disbelief. Why would they do that, they trusted Gon right?

Kalluto’s eyes fell on the crying duo and the confused Alluka. “I’ve finally decided to be honest, to stop hiding this secret.”

We all stared at him. He wrung his hands, a guilty look having fallen on his face.

“Gon joined the Phantom Troupe… because of me.”

Kurapika gasped, his eyes hurt. Leorio couldn’t even say anything, his eyes simply became shaky and his hand quavering. Alluka looked confused, of course she did, she had no clue who they were. For me, it stabbed me in my heart a second time. Just the thought of Gon joining those murderers, the ones who killed Kurapika’s clan, made me nauseous. I didn’t want to see Gon become a murderer like me, like my family, like anyone we came across in our journeys.

I could just imagine it. That kind, caring friend of mine standing among killers, criminals. A tattoo, somewhere on him. It just broke my heart, ripped it out and crushed it. I didn’t even want to think of it. Unless…

Kurapika banged his fist against the wall, “WHY!? How and why did he do it!?” He cried out.

“We can bring him back to us.” I said.

Leorio looked at me, “What?”

“Maybe if you apologize and I’m there, he’ll come back.” I said, “That’s why he joined, most likely.”

“I told him he wouldn’t be abandoned by them.” Kalluto said, beginning to cry, “So please don’t blame him. He’s a child, it’s my fault.”

I grabbed Kalluto’s hand, “You’re a kid too, this is no one’s fault.”

“It’s a plan then!” Leorio shouted. “We’re bringing Gon back!”

I nodded and Kurapika agreed. Kalluto would care for Alluka and Nanika.

We were ready.


	15. Gon

Today, I sat by the river and fished. I hadn’t fished in a while and I was itching to catch something to eat. Nobunaga appeared and sat beside me, watching my bait bob underneath the surface of the water. I concentrated on the water rippling before me, watching something bubble near the bait and….

I pulled a fish out of the lake, a smile spreading across my face, laughing. It was big and looked delicious to cook up, it could surely feed at least three people. If I wanted to feed everyone I would probably have to catch. I froze and crouched down, trying to calculate the numbers in my head. I wasn’t too good at math.

Nobunaga laughed, “Way to go kiddo. How about you teach me your tricks and I can help.”

I looked at him, he looked like he could help me fish and do the math so we could feed everyone. I handed him the fishing rod and showed him how to add the bait and how to toss it into the water. I pointed to where it bobbed, telling him when it bubbled and was pulled down, that he should pull back. We watched the bait intently and then, seconds later, Nobunaga had a massive fish out of the water. I cheered and Nobunaga laughed.

I high-fived him, “Good job!”

“I’m gonna have to teach you some stuff kiddo,” He said, handing my fishing rod back, “As a repayment for teaching me this.”

I grinned and gave him a thumbs up, “Thanks, but you really don’t have to. I just wanted to show you how to.”

Nobunaga patted my head, “I’m still gonna teach you stuff. I’m supposed to be your father figure aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” I laughed, “You are.”

Suddenly, something surprising happened. As I turned to fish, someone walked up behind us and spoke in a familiar voice, one I could recognize anywhere.

“Gon.” Kurapika said, as I turned around, “Hello Gon.”

Nobunaga stood up and pulled out his sword, “The Chain User!”

I held my hand out in front of him, “Don’t attack.”

I walked forward and made eye contact with Kurapika. What was he doing here? How did he find us? Why was he here? But one of the things that surprised me most was that he acted so calm when he saw me, when he looked right at my shoulder where the spider tattoo was engraved into my skin. It was like he already  _ knew  _ I was now a member of the Phantom Troupe.

“Gon…” Kurapika said, an apologetic look on his face, “I-I’m so sorry for what I did for you. So is Leorio, we feel really bad. Kalluto told us you were here so we came here….”

I dropped the fishing rod in my head and began to weep. I remembered that day, weeks ago like it had happened only a few minutes ago. They wouldn’t even listen to me when I tried so hard to explain that I didn’t want to kill Killua. They had run me off into the woods…  _ abandoned _ me. Could I really trust them again, I could tell they wanted to bring me back.

But I didn’t want to go back.

Kurapika tugged at the black hoodie covering his blue and golden tabard and white underclothes. “Gon… I know this sounds weird, and I don’t expect you to say yes, but would you please come back to us?”

“Yeah, it does sound weird.” I muttered, clenching my fists.

Nobunaga watched me, worry in his tired eyes.

Kurapika looked down at his feet, looking guilty and sad. But just that wasn’t going to change my mind, they betrayed me. They didn’t want to listen to me. Leorio appeared beside Kurapika, looking upset too. His eyes pleading though, begging me to join them again. Something in them showed hurt and wanted me back. Sure they were apologizing, but that wouldn’t make me forgive them. I wasn’t ever going to forgive them, for leaving me far in the forest. I had new, faithful friends.

“I’m not coming back.” I said, “You guys left me in the woods to die. You never tried to hear me out. I was crying and broken and you turned your backs on me.”

Leorio looked me in the eyes, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Kurapika sniffed, looking down, his hair hiding his eyes, but I saw the tears dripping to the ground, each one falling faster than the first. They should be sorry. They should be crying. They had hurt me and left me behind.

“ _ Leave _ .” I ordered, the sobs getting louder, my voice rising and cracking in only one syllable.

Leorio then said, “Before we leave, we thought maybe we should let you see someone.”

I looked up, tears blurring my glare, “What?”

They stepped aside, opening up a path, both of their faces red with sadness, but that’s not what I focused on. Who walked in between them sent my emotions all over the place. My brain went into overdrive and soon the tears wouldn’t stop falling. I thought I would never see him again, I thought he was gone.

But standing there, right in between Kurapika and Leorio, was Killua Zoldyck.


	16. Killua

I knew Gon had joined the Troupe, but now I had finally accepted it. He stood there, next to a murderer, so calmly with the mark of the Spiders tattooed on his shoulder. My feelings were a complete mess, like when your earbuds got tangled up. I felt happy, sad, surprised, and something in there was also kind of angry. How could he join the gang that killed Kurapika’s whole clan? But… he was  _ there _ and he hadn’t actually wanted me dead. It was all because of Illumi. He didn’t hate me. So joy filled me and I couldn’t stop the crying either.

Suddenly, Gon had thrown his arms around my neck, digging his face into my shoulder, “KILLUA! YOU’RE ALIVE!”

I hugged Gon back, my tears dripping onto his shoulder, staining his tank top and falling on the spider. We didn’t say anything, just stood there, embracing each other. No words could express how we both felt at that moment, I wondered how much Gon had felt at that moment, after I had died and he had been left behind, but now I was here with Kurapika and Leorio. Here for him. He probably felt as emotional as I did, maybe more.

Gon grabbed handfuls of my shirt, “P-please don’t die again Killua!”

“I won’t,” I said, “I promise.”

No one bothered us, for we were reunited. But that feeling ended when Gon let go of me, wiping at his wet face, and walked back over to the man by the lake, Nobunaga. He stumbled over, holding his hands to his chest, then sliding his hand up his left arm and to the tattoo on his arm. His eyes met mine, brown and filled with a look I had never seen before once again. This was a different kind of hurt I had ever seen in them.

“I’m sorry…” He said, “But I can’t come back.”

And a dagger of agony plunged into my heart once again. We were back together and I knew he cared for me, was still my friend, but he wasn’t going to come back. We had it all planned out, he was supposed to come back. He  _ had  _ to come back! Right?

“Wh-why?” I said, finally speaking for the first time when I had seen him again.

“This is my choice, I’m already a member, the mark is already on my body.” He looked to Nobunaga, “Besides, I have my friends here now. And I feel… that I can no longer trust Kurapika and Leorio now.”

I guess I understood how he felt. I felt a similar way when I had met him, when I had left the mansion, when I had left my family. But this hurt so much, because he was saying this to me, saying he didn’t want to be with me anymore. Was I no longer important to him?

I heard Leorio and Kurapika sob on both sides of me.

But I understood.

Gon had found new friends who he cared for, who he trusted and wanted to be with. Maybe I was still important to him, deep down. But even then, we couldn’t hang out together anymore. He was a part of a gang of killers now, and I didn’t want to be a murderer anymore. So with despair, I turned to leave, knowing Gon needed this for himself.

I couldn’t change his mind.

But before I left, Gon said one more thing:

“Killua… what is it like to be dead?”

He didn’t even need to know of Nanika’s healing, he knew I had died and been brought back by… something.

“Wha….?” Was all I could say.

Gon clenched a fist, “I just want to know what it’s like… if I’m going to be here, a part of the Troupe, I want to know what happens to the people who end up in the crossfire.”

I didn’t know how to respond because I truly didn’t know what it was like, so all I said was, “I’m sorry Gon.”

And then I left.


	17. Epilogue

~Years Later~

Leorio is now twenty six. He works at a hospital and saves people’s lives, like he wanted to. He saved many people with the same disease his friend had had. Sometimes he failed though and he would go home in tears. But most of the time, things went well. He was a doctor, a hero. He made a good income.

Everyday, he called Kurapika to check up on him. Sometimes he would answer, sometimes he wouldn’t. Sometimes Leorio had to heal him because Kurapika was reckless. Most of the time, he worked at the hospital though. He made many friends with his coworkers and he was great with kids. He even felt happy with himself when he was called Dr. Leorio Paridiknight.

Kurapika is now twenty four. He had found all the eyes of his clan, but he wasn’t happy. He couldn’t even exact his revenge on the Troupe anymore, but even if he did, he knew it wouldn’t make him happy. He was numb and depressed and lost. He wanted to be happy again, but he couldn’t. He still needed to work for the mafia and watch over the Scarlet Eyes.

It was his job.

Killua is now nineteen. He lives with Kalluto and Alluka and Nanika in an apartment complex. He works at a nearby grocery store and at a street hotdog stand to support his siblings, since Alluka was unable to work because of Nanika and Kalluto wasn’t the legal age to work yet. He woke up every morning to his family who he loved, worked his two jobs, and came home for dinner.

Life was pretty great for him and his family, he even managed to get some money from his family, even when it was hesitantly sent. Even then, every night when Killua went to sleep, he thought of his old friend. The one who he had been through so much with, the one he missed so dearly. Gon.

Gon is now nineteen. He had been a part of many crimes, but he didn’t care. He was with his friends and family. At this point, his morals didn’t matter to him anymore. He was still kind but when it was needed, he completely changed his personality to fit the situation. He could be cruel and murderous.

But he never did kill anyone, he was simply an accomplice. He was wanted all over, the infamous Gon Freecss. Some days, he wondered if this had been the wrong decision, but then Nobunaga sat beside him and was his father during his tough times and his friends were there for him. Still, everyday he thought of his old friends, and usually, he thought about Killua.

**~Time Skip~**

Killua raced through the night.

He had to stop this from happening, he had to. When he had heard of Illumi’s new job, he knew he had to stop Illumi. His target hadn’t actually done anything. So Killua used Godspeed, desperate to reach Illumi’s location before Illumi could. Maybe he could save the target, he knew he couldn’t kill Illumi.

But when he reached the location, he knew he was too late. Standing before a body was Illumi, golden pins held in between his fingers and hair blowing through the air. Laying before him was Gon, crumpled, blood pooling around his body. Illumi looked up.

“Oh Kil’, you’re finally here.” He said.

Killua ignored that comment and ran over to Gon, pulling his head into his lap. In a panic, Killua shook Gon, desperately trying to get Gon to  _ open his eyes _ . He then yelled at Illumi to leave and his older brother did. Soon, Gon’s eyes fluttered open and Killua cried with joy, tears framing his eyes.

“G-Gon! You’re alive!” He exclaimed, a smile appearing on his lips.

Gon smiled, “For now. Killua… I haven’t seen you or your smile in so long.”

“Same to you.” Killua said, “Now let’s get you to Leorio. He’s a doctor now!”

Gon smiled, “That’s great, but Killua, it’s too late for me.”

Killua’s smile fell, “Wh-what do you mean? You’re alive and that’s all that matters.”

“But I’m a criminal, I’ve done awful things. Besides, I’m dying right now Killua. Illumi has done his job.” Gon said, guilt in his eyes.

“Wh-what? No you're not! You’re a good person!” Killua said, “And I’m here, I’ll save you! Leorio will save you!”

“Killua, I’m dying. I’m sorry but you’ll have to accept it.” Gon said.

Killua sobbed, knowing this was true. Gon tried desperately to get Killua to stop crying and in a panic pointed at the star speckled sky.

“Killua, we’ve always loved looking at the stars together.” He said.

Killua nodded, sniffling.

Gon smiled, “How about we look at them one last time.”

And with that, the boys watched the stars for a final time. They recalled stories and laughed. It felt like they hadn’t been separated ever, just like when they had been young and happy and ready for the whole world. Killua mentioned something from Greed Island and laughed, expecting Gon to respond, but he only heard silence. When he looked down, he noticed a peaceful look on Gon’s face, his eyes closed and a small smile on his face.

Killua mumbled, “Rest well Gon Freecss.”

And then his sobs echoed around him outside the large building.

Hisoka watched from far off, his golden eyes reflecting the moonlight. He tossed a card into the window from which he sat in the frame of, causing the glass to splinter a little.

As Hisoka said, within seconds, treasure could easily become trash. Love and hatred were two sides of the same coin.

Parts of this story reflected those sayings.

He stood, watching the boys from above, and said, “Goodnight Gon.”

And the clouds covered the moon and stars.


End file.
